Genuine contact is experienced when the egoic display is shut down, even for a moment. What remains is self-existing sacredness, genuineness, the intimacy of our True Being, which is always, effortlessly there! The problem is that when egoic mind comes back on line, it has a memory impression of the sacred but it can only relate to the memory egoically.It regards the experience as
1.) A separate object.
2.) Something it did, therefore as something to create again or recapture.
3.) Something to seize and solidify around a symbol (anchor)a person, place, or thing, physical or mental.
4.) Something requiring great effort and strategizing.
5.) Something that is missing in the meantime.
6.) And therefore, as a longing that generates despair, pain, motivation, etc. (5 skandhas, 3 malas, 6 realms, 5 poisons: These are not all bad because in the end they cause us to make the effort to dissolve egoic mind.)
When egoic display is on, even your best friend, your pure lover, is only a mental image. There is no real contact. But in the next moment the egoic display can go off and intimacy is felt. It is pointless to say that this intimacy happens between people, because in this moment there is only one person. Egoic mind flashes back on with a memory impression of pure being, looks around for its source: Wham! “It’s you my dearest, I can’t live without you, I don’t feel alive without you!” Egoic mind fixates a source, assumes causal relationships, and puts all its passion into holding the object. Of course, since this is all egoic misperception, it is an internal theatrical display, doomed to failure and pain because there is no real contact with the real objectless source object: True Being.
In a healthy love relationship, the blessing of many moments of grace, contact, respect, and intimacy that occur when egoic display is off have the effect of smoothing out the effects of egoic display when it is on. Mature individuals have an intuition of Self (faith, humble self-esteem) that allows them to see the transparency of egoic display. In this case, the egoic stuff is workable because generosity and love infiltrate it through a very porous boundary from True Being, a felt sense of well-being and tolerance. The fear and delusion that egoic display can generate between good friends and lovers is so low that even when it comes on, it is simply a reminder of TrueConnection/Love, and therefore it is regarded as very workable, no threat, met with warm-hearted humor.
Addictive, abusive relationships of great passion or substance addictions of great passion are, by contrast, very unfortunate. The boundary is not porous. A very high con of fear and delusion is generated. Thus, a peak experience of intimacy, peace, etc. creates a memory impression in the egoic display that is an extreme highlight in an arena of desolation. The egoic mind’s sense of inherent desperation and emptiness is harshly irritated by this highlight, causing it to obsess in all manner of familiar violent and destructive ways, as it attempts to return to the experience for relief. The boundary is hard: it is an unconscious, on-going, moment by moment, fear-based, willful rejection of light, due to the misperception that it is a threat. Thus, love, patience, generosity, and intelligent inspirations to diffuse egoic trance in a healthy manner cannot infiltrate. The felt sense of well-being and tolerance is absent. Egoic mind’s only alternative is some form of assault, an attempt to tear a hole in the wall. This can be done. Egoic mind can intensify its negativity to such an extreme that it exhausts itself for a time and one pops through to experience some aspect of True Being. But eventually this process takes an unacceptably destructive toll, physically and psychologically, returning pay-offs which are more and more diminished, and which lead to more extreme attempts, which, if not mitigated, end in annihilation.
This tragedy is internal theater acted out to the extreme. The person involved hasn’t a clue that he is at cause, that he sets the requirements for shutting down grace and intimacy, moment by moment, according to his attachments (5 poisons; building egoic world view; “This is what is happening!”). We each choose, moment by moment, to associate into egoic display or to release it and rest in always-given TrueBeing: to relax and breathe.
With our tools, we can construct new submodality displays.
All the players, friends and enemies alike, must be loved and saved because they are merely clones of our energy, of people of the past. Even if they are present, they are no longer who they were in the past, and still are now in our minds. The clones are the problem, not the outer people. Our internal clones, ourselves dressed up as someone else, keep us anchored in limiting notions of self and in limiting responses: it is not the external people. This truth is what allows therapy, or any change, to work. If it weren’t true, you couldn’t change. Because it is true, you can change anything, including the past. Remember, the past is a package of perceptions, misperceptions, arbitrary c/e assumptions, opinions, prejudices, etc. Therefore, you can change its meaning, which was supporting a false notion of self (praise, blame, and shame: “You dumb jerk, you spilled the milk”), without denying the factual occurrence, (the milk was spilled), which, if denied, would be a form of brainwashing (the milk didn’t spill).
Excerpt from Finding True Magic, Copyright 2006, Jack Elias, All Rights Reserved.
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